I Can Do This!

Well, I went out yesterday to get new clothes for myself. I figure I might as well start out feeling somewhat good about myself. I don't know if I said this but I am currently 281.6 lbs and my five year old I weighed him today and he is 99.8 lbs. Yes, I felt bad. It really hurts me that I have played a major part in this issue. I am going to do right by him if it kills me. I want to at least give him half a chance to live a healthy life. I am so afraid that either of us will get diabetes or something and then what. I don't want to make a change because something has happened. I want to make a change before it happens.

It feels good, just putting this on paper so to speak. If no one reads it, that will be fine. I think at least it is a release for me. If someone reads it, hopefully it will give them a chance to either give constructive helpful words of advice or it will serve as a way to start a network of parents who want to do differently for themselves and their children. I see a brighter future ahead. I felt great today. Absolutely wonderful. I packed myself and my son a healthy lunch and we had a healthy dinner.

Keep praying for me.

Step One:

I have admitted that I am powerless over my addiction and that my life has become unmanageable because of it. I keep focusing on this step too. I pray that God will deliver me and help me to overcome. I know that I can not do it alone.

Getting it out there!

Tonight I went grocery shopping for the week.  I am really feeling encouraged. I pray that I can just get a grip and become the mom that I need to be to help my son.  I know what it takes.  I lost 80 lbs at one time and was running 3 miles 3-5 times a day.  I have now gained 57 lbs back as of this morning.  I know I can do this.  I know I can.  My oldest son took hold to moderation during my first weight loss efforts and looks great.  He has slimmed up and is tall and feels great about himself.  My little one however, is starting to have a complex about his weight.  He is twice as big and twice as tall as all the kids in his class and he is only five.  


Believe me when I say, I am not the type of mother who blames it on genes.  I know that if I work at it, that I can change the way life will be for my son and me.   I truly believe it is up to me to make that happen.


I guess I should admit that I am also practicing the 12 step program.  I am on step one.  I admit that I am powerless over my addiction and that my life has become unmanageable because of it.  Man, that is hard for me because I like to be so in control of everything.  It is so obvious though, that I don't have control over this.  


I have posted on my mirror a 16 day streak that I want my boys and I too work on.  I will post updates as we go.


Anyway, I needed a spot where I could come and just right down how my boys and I are doing and how I am feeling day to day.  Or maybe even minute to minute.  Who knows what will become of this.


All I know is it is time for a change.  What I'm doing now is not working.  It is time for me to seek a higher power to truly handle this for me.